Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
