I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
