when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize