Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
