You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I could fuck to npr.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
