There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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