Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
