when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
