i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
