Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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