apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The uberlube is also flammable
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
