Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
