Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
