Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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