Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
