i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
