Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
