The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
