and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Randomize
