she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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