Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
