They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
