Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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