I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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