On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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