I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
