Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
