Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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