Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize