I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
