Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
