he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize