OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just pee around me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
