I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
