i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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