if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
