i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
