Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
