i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
