When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize