...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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