If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
