My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
