your thong is hanging out like whoa
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
