Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
