There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
