I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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