mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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