Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
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