im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
