pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
