We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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