The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
