Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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