I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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