Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We need a shit load of segways right now
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
