Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
