Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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