I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
