I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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