there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
