my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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