Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
