I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
