Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

she smelled like a LAN party

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(714): View more from California

I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious

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(256): View more from Alabama

I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"

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(361): View more from Texas

Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?

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(360): View more from Washington

Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.

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(260): View more from Indiana

Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.

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(210): View more from Texas

Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.

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