it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Randomize
