alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
