what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
