woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
