there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
