I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
