Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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