Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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