there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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