i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
