really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
