I'm laying in your front yard are you home
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
