I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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