so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Green mimosas i think yes
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
