I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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