You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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