so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he was CRYING into my vagina
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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